Personal growth
The probably most important step in personal growth is the understanding of its purpose.
Because it’s not something that is easy and comfortable.
Most of the time it’s challenging, hard, sometimes painful.
Personally, I knew that I can’t give what I didn’t receive and that I wanted more in life – I wanted to be able to truly love and to accept being loved.
So my journey of personal growth is ongoing… but I surely can say that I’m on a very different spot, then I was 20 or even 10 years ago. My life has been turned around.
Here I will share what truth, principles, revelation brought me where I am today and all the continuous growth I am in still today!
When we deny our story, it defines us.
When we own the story we can write an brand new ending.
Family life during the time of Covid-19
Here I am, back after several weeks in which I have not uploaded an article to this website.Since the beginning of this pandemic, I have realized how rich and diverse the whole subject of child education and family life has been covered. Wherever one looked, inputs,...
How to stay calm in testing times
Last week I received a voicemail from a friend in Seattle – we live 5000 miles apart, with a time difference of 8 hours. I was amazed however, how our lives look very similar right now. Both of us entered into the realm of home schooling our kids, our daily life is...
Family – ways of transformation part 2
In the last article we looked at a grid that shows different family dynamics. This grid was developed by the authors of the book "Facing Shame - families in Recovery " to help families to enter the process of change The authors are therapists who work a lot with...
Family – ways of transformation
A few weeks ago, when I wrote an article on the subject of "Perfect families? Healthy and well-functioning families" , I set out the five freedoms that I believe are the basis for a healthy family. Then we looked at the dynamics of a family based on shame and its...
Characteristics of a shame based family and how change can happen part 2
In the last article I described a family based on shame. I described what one can imagine by the word shame and how this shame can shape the dynamics of a family. A freely invented story should illustrate this dynamic:Once upon a time there was a traditional American...
Characteristics of a shame based family and how change can happen
Description of the term "family based on shame". A few weeks ago I wrote a paper on family for my 3-year counseling school. It was to be an essay about my personal path, and about what I had learned from the various readings. In the following articles, I will reflect...
Perfect families? Healthy and well functioning families!
Have you ever seen families that looked perfect from the outside? Families that radiate a pleasant atmosphere and a feeling of love, acceptance, respect and relaxation even when you get to know them better?We all know that there are no "perfect" families. And yet I...
3 Steps toward helping your wife to feel more close to you
Hey husbands, have you ever been in the situation, where you know, your wife is kind of distant, reserved toward you, but you don’t know exactly why? And even worse, you don’t know what to do about it. While she may simply be mad at you (ever had the situation where...
My Journey of the last decade and what I learned from it
There s a new article I recently published on my other website called "freedomthatmatters". You can read the article by visiting here or read it right here:
Reflecting the online webinar “making sense of troubled kids”
The other day, Benny told me: "Jeanne, I'm going to have some work to do for business tonight. This whole month will be very intense as we will be moving the business until the end of the year." I told him this was all right and I took care of the kids.hen Benny asked...
The secret of true freedom
There s a new article I recently published on my other website called "freedomthatmatters". You can read the article by visiting here or read it right here:
The influence of attachment on family values
When our girl was about three years old, she was of a very independent spirit. She was a happy little girl; however, she didn’t need us, as it seemed.When we went for a walk, she walked in front or behind us. She never came for a cuddle and showed herself pretty...
Why values in a family are so important
My heart is heavy right now. News from the turbulent situation in Bolivia – and South America in general invade my social media and inbox. I am looking at videos that let me have a glimpse into what is happening in the “heart of South America” - videos, which explain...
Why we don’t strive to have a good marriage anymore
A few hours ago, Benny and I came back from a workshop on marriage, called LAM (Love after marriage). I am still filled with all those impressions, it was so amazing. The most amazing, life transforming reality in this workshop was the tangible presence of the Holy...
“I thought that this was love” – how to make the difference between love and codependency
As I wrote in the last article, I had to learn the difference between codependency and love the hard way. In fact, I didn’t even know that there was a difference between the two. I knew the word “codependency” but never made the parallel to my own life.Today, all...
Open letter from a grateful me to the guy that broke my heart
Dear friend, For a long time, you and “our story” was buried inside me like the wreck of the Titanic on the bottom of the sea – forgotten and invisible, yet part of my story, my past. Even years later, it was very difficult for me to dive to the depth of the sea to...
What if you feel too empty to love your family?
As I drove home from church, I made a simple but urgent prayer: "Lord, this week was so packed with all the “last week of summer vacation-stuff” – and I have no inspiration what I should write about in my weekly article! Please, I need your help!”A small voice talked...
How to walk a way of transformation – four steps toward freedom
This past week, our family spent some amazing days in a lovely family hotel in the south of Germany, in midst of the beautiful nature of Bayern. We were part of a camp, organized by our church. I enjoyed my break from cooking and cleaning; but even more than that, I...
How the traits of my father follow me and how I learned to deal with it
Last week I wrote an article about „My father- and how I learned to honor him“. There I wrote how there was a time when I was “rejecting him and everything (and everyone) resembling him.” How today, “I recognize those attributes of him that I see in myself as well....
My father – and how I learned to honor him
When I think of my father today, I see a man who is very upright. Someone who would always give his best. He would never do something he knows would be wrong. His moral standards are very, very high. For years, he worked in a job he actually hated, in order to feed...
A bad day – and two insights coming out of it
Did you ever have one of those days, when you worked hard all day while having a hard time to focus and not really accomplishing that much? Well I had one of those days this week. It was one of the first really hot days of summer. I did have some trouble concentrating...
What a mischief of our child can tell us about ourselves
This Wednesday, my sister-in-law and myself went to visit a dear friend in the French part of Switzerland.We were able to leave our kids at home; I only took my sweet three-year old with me. While we were sitting in the garden having a delicious meal, enjoying each...
“I wouldn’t want you to be my secretary“
These were the words of a professional, who is without a secretary at the moment. I love what this person does. That's why I told him I would love to help out but didn't think I was the right person for this job.That’s when he told me: “I wouldn’t want you to be my...
How we can redeem each other into our God-given identity
About a year ago I wrote an article called “How individuality in marriage scared me – and how I learned to enjoy it“ There, you could read a conversation we had a few years into our marriage, where I told Benny: “Darling, we have a problem!“ He looked at me puzzled,...
My experiences concerning abuse and what I learned from them
In the past three articles (see here, here and here) I wrote about the somewhat heavy subject of sexual abuse on our children.I found it a difficult task to resume the book I was working with; even though it was a quick read – it was packed with important, relevant...
Hit with a discovery of sexual abuse on your child? Here you’ll find some help on how to manage such a situation.
In this article, you found ways on how to establish a dialogue with children to keep them from being abused. The second article discussed how adults should act to remove doubt and identify possible abuse of the child. In the unfortunate case where abuse has indeed...
How to be prepared to detect sexual abuse of our children
In the last article we saw how difficult it is for most of us to talk about sex, especially with a child. That for adults, sexuality seems trivialized, but as soon as it concerns children, we don't know how to do it." This is one of the reasons why a situation of...
Sexuality – should we talk about it with our children?
As part of my counseling school, which I just started at the beginning of April, we have to read a few books. Here I am in our holidays at the campsite in the south of France with my children and I take the opportunity to read the first book of the compulsory reading:...
How to break free from poisonous Pedagogy today
In today’s article we will explore some more the subject of poisonous pedagogy. Then I will share with you how today I am able to recognize the pattern of poisonous pedagogy and how I am able to choose new ways and apply a new mindset for how I view God, how I see my...
An essay about Poisonous Pedagogy back in time and Today
Regardless of the season of my life, I have always had one final goal in mind: I wanted to be able to start a family. Not just any family. I longed for a healthy family. I knew, even in the years of "rebellion", while I was questioning all the values and things taught...
Great news on the 2. anniversary of familythatmatters.com
Since I opened this website two years ago, many things have happened in my life. It has been a journey into something I am very passionate about: Writing around the subject of family. A platform to share my insights, thoughts, experiences and my personal learning...
When saying goodbye to my prince charming doesn’t mean entering a real fairytale
While I was still writing my last article (Saying goodbye to prince charming – to live a real fairytale), I was aware that there are people who are in a really difficult situation in their marriage. I was aware that my challenges with Benny were only everyday issues...
Saying goodbye to prince charming – to live a real fairytale
Have you ever looked at other couples, feeling that they, contrary to your marriage, have it all together? That they are both fulfilled and happy, living a fairy tale marriage? I have met couples who have looked perfect. I’ve looked up to them, they seemed to have it...
The Hardships and the Fruits of investing in your Kids
As you've probably read in this post, we have a family bed – well it has grown beyond one bed as our family has grown, but we do sleep in one room. There was a time the oldest two were sleeping in their own room and they did very well. However, after a while they...
Different beliefs about Destiny – and how they will impact our family Part 3
Mindset of the wealthy Like I tried to make sure in the two past articles, I will not talk about money here. This article will not treat the subject of how to become rich and live a life of luxury. You could rather compare this article to the one called...
Different beliefs about Destiny – and how they will impact our family Part 2
Mindset of middle class In the last article we saw that our worldview is greatly influenced by our upbringing, the world we live in, be it poverty, middle class or wealth. We saw that wealth is not equal to riches or possession but rather a...
Different beliefs about Destiny – and how they will impact our family
From Identity to destiny – this is our slogan from familythatmatters. This is our vision statement. A vision statement is a way to explain in one sentence who we are, why we exist, what is distinctive about us and what we do want to accomplish. All the...
What Queen Esther has to do with the new year’s resolution
While this post may sound somewhat unusual to some people – especially men or easy going people in general, the principles described have helped countless people who were dealing with any kind of shame in their lives. It’s the end of one year, 2018 and the beginning...
The reason why I am thankful on Christmas
My house is decorated with lights Christmas decoration and candles. Presents are ready, cookies are made, Christmas-dinner planned, family celebrations are all organized … and our home is filled with expectation and our children are full of this tingling sensation for...
How to stop fighting against the personality differences of your child
It has been amazing to watch the change that occurred in the life of our boy since that moment we had our first counseling session concerning our 5-year old a month ago. He has made a huge amount of progress in his whole being. He didn’t “change”. He still loves to...
How active appreciation can shape a family culture
In the last Article I've shared with you how active appreciation has changed my life. How Benny brought this into our marriage, and how it transformed me over the years. Today, it is not only our marriage that is bathed in active appreciation, but it has turned into a...
How active Appreciation can make a difference
There is little I cherish more in our marriage than active appreciation. Active appreciation is something Benny brought into my life.His way of how he actively appreciates who I am and what I do has changed my life over the years. Today, our whole family is constantly...
Nobody is perfect – but what about our own life?
Nobody is perfect We all agree with that. Wall tattoos, posters and cards confirm that we all know this to be true. However…. How about our own life? How do we deal with our own shortcomings, failures and wrongdoings?Most people I know, after facing their imperfection...
The liberated conscience – in the life of an adult
Personal thoughts and application on an attended lecture on education, given by Heinz Etter Part 3When I look at my own life, I remember what it felt like to be punished, blamed and shamed for my “wrongdoings”. Irrespective of whether those things were done “by...
The liberated conscience …. Thoughts on an attended lecture on education, given by Heinz Etter Part 2
In the last article I shared with you my résumé of what I got out of the lecture about education with the title “The liberated conscience”, held by Heinz Etter. As promised, I will share more about the final thoughts of that lecture: this article will help us to...
The liberated conscience …. Thoughts on an attended lecture on education, given by Heinz Etter
I love to attend lectures on education. Even more if it’s held by Heinz Etter. His way of understanding children, his wisdom to help families, his capacity to suggest a solution that transforms a family are all unique to him. Remember Maria? She felt pretty hopeless...
Choosing a Mindset of Gratitude: How counting your Blessings will change your Life
As you've probably read in the last article, we had some rain during our time in France. In fact, after I had written the last article, it rained continuously for the whole remaining 10 days we were there – and after the one storm alert, level "orange", a second one...
The importance of the “Five Laws of Life” for you and your family
Once again, I'm sitting in front of our tent in the south of France writing this article.We enjoy these vacations a lot. These are always precious times as a family. This time, a befriended family joined us, and our children love to play together as much as we adults...
The way out of playing the “good girl” or turning into a “bad girl”
After I wrote the last Article about„why I don’t want to be a good girl anymore", I got some feedback from people telling me that they were relieved to read the end. Simply, because the opposite of a “good girl” – is usually a “bad girl”. In our use of language, a...
Why I don’t want to be a nice girl anymore
There was a time in my life when I was (or tried to be) a “nice girl”. I used to be that the kind of girl who tried to be a good citizen by being polite, quiet, obedient, serving, endearing, sweet, gentle – and nice. In my understanding, being a nice girl was...
40 years old – how I grew into being myself
This week I turned 40 – and I was thinking about sharing something meaningful with you about my own life.This is a beautiful season of life for me. Not because I have it all together, nor because I understand it all. I haven’t figured out how to be perfect or how to...
How to experience happiness in midst of challenges, pain and personal mistakes
Have you ever had to face a reality that was not what you wanted it to be? A life that didn't turn out the way you imagined? The reality of failure or meaningful mistakes, a painful loss or situations that turned out differently than planned? I did. And actually, I've...
From crying to happy in 10 seconds – or – what makes a Kid tough
Over the ages, many a parent must have pondered about how they can prevent their kids from becoming crybabies and instead become strong, stable and tough persons. While this may apply to boys in particular, I am sure parents want brave daughters as well. Daughters who...
How to find rest in your relationship with your own parents
As I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, we started to talk about our parents. We talked about the challenge of facing our reality. This desire to have a good, loving relationship with our parents. And how, in some situations, this is nearly impossible. How...
Why I won’t push my children’s self-confidence and what I nurture instead
As a mother, I want my children to be confident in who they are. I see part of successful parenting in having children that have identity, that they are solidly rooted in life, with confidence and security. However, I don’t want children with inflated egos. I don’t...
Challenges of parenting – in light of the imprints of our past
I have a friend from childhood, who today is married and a mother of 3 children. She is a very devoted mother who loves her children above all else and wants the best for them. Nevertheless, one often hears her yelling at her children, for completely irrelevant...
How individuality in marriage scared me – and how I learned to enjoy it
As we’ve seen in the last article, it is the accepting and supporting of the uniqueness and individuality of each family member which creates a healthy, functional family that lives together in unity. Today I want to share what I’ve learned in this area within our...
To see or not to see (our loved ones) – that’s the question
Being people with that gift of having two eyes to see, this may seem like a funny title. "Of course I see my loved ones! I certainly see (some of us need glasses to do so clearly) my children and my spouse!" But just ask yourself, did you always feel seen by the...
How to shake off the outside pressure on your parenting by keeping the right focus
Have you ever asked yourself how to not bend under the pressure of parenting? Every parent I’ve ever met has this ardent desire to be a successful parent. However, the definition of “successful” parenting can vary tremendously. Many parents are under great pressure...
“Why I stay” … Alexis impressive faithfulness in the midst of strong feelings
Remember my friend Maria? She amazes me daily with her heart to be a wonderful mom for her daughter, overcoming their difficult past with her teachable, soft spirit. Today I will introduce to you another friend of mine. Let’s call her Alexis. Alexis is married and a...
How to recognize and break vicious circles in your family
Has it ever happened to you that your child behaved in such an annoying way that it was difficult for you to treat him or her with a loving attitude? Have you ever been so displeased with your spouse that it was difficult for you to say the words "I love you" to him...
How to be a perfect mom – (and why you are able to be one )
After talking with moms from different backgrounds, cultures and levels of society I realized we all have things in common. An important one of them is the heart of a mother that longs to be a perfect mom for her children. Often, mothers don’t tell it like this. More...
How Maria was blown away by an experts advice
When you are reading this article, I am already in the south of France, on a campground with my kids. Spring here is somewhat warmer and sunnier than in Switzerland and while Benny stayed behind for his job, our four kids and I enjoy our tent holidays near the...
About the power of labels and the better way to go
As I mentioned in the last article I had some labels to strip off, in order to become who I am today. Therefore I am well aware of the power of such labels.I know the cost of breaking out of the narrowness, into the freedom of the true riches of identity and with it...
I don’t love him – feelings of a married woman and her understanding of true love
I haven’t been writing much, concerning this section of marriage … simply because I feel like Benny is the one making our marriage as easy and beautiful as it is. He’s a man of quality, and everything he does; he does with excellence – including being a husband....
Some personal thoughts on my first year running this Website
When I started with that website exactly one year ago, I had mainly one thing in mind: To write down all these “articles” I had been formulating in my head for years, to write down all my revelations and understandings I had been telling people about, to write down...
The 6 Stages of attachment – and how to repair missing stages part 2
In last week’s article we’ve been looking at the six stages of attachment. We we’ve seen how there is a maturing process going on with the purpose to create solid attachment. This attachment creates a solid bond between the child and the parent, making our task as...
“I can’t forgive” – the perspective from someone that faced abuse
In last week's article I have been digging quite a bit into the whole subject of abuse — once again. The first time I was confronted to that subject was during my time in a Christian counseling home about 15 years ago. It was during that time I met Téo....
The day when I became a princess, I found my prince
I still remember that one evening, when I was sitting in front of my computer. I lived in Zurich, was about 28 years old and I was doing my studies as a small children educator. That evening I was bored and lonely. Therefore, playing around with Google, I wrote:...
Sunny day or foggy Landscape? – Embracing the seasons of your life
Where we live, wintertime is the time of the year when outside it is cold and dark. It is the time of the year when we are supposed to get lot of snow here in Switzerland. But the reality is, that in the plain where we live, we seldom have the privilege to have...
Values and norms – how understanding these two words can transform your family
Have your kids ever asked why they should do certain things a certain way? Have you ever found yourself answering them, that this is just the way everyone does it? Or did you ever meet a big amount of rules – at your church, workplace or in your own childhood – asking...
Family dynamics: The patterns of individual roles in a family part2
Last week we have been looking at two roles that children are easily adopting in any family. The roles themselves aren’t bad, they are simply part of a family dynamic. However, the more we as parents understand what’s happening, the more we can reach out to our...
Family dynamics: The patterns of individual roles in a family Part 1
Like every year, spending Christmas celebrations with our families has been an interesting experience. On one hand, I love it. I enjoy having the privilege to celebrate with my siblings and parents, to celebrate with my in laws. However, it is challenging too. Simply...
Happy new year 2018! -The reason I feel so blessed and amazed looking back at my 2017
I think my year was amazing. I feel absolutely blessed and amazed looking back to it! Thinking about what makes me feel that way I realize that it has nothing to do with a “pretended perfect live” we have. . I had people in my life that rejected me, not liking who I...
What if by raising children we miss out on something very important?
As we have seen in the two previous articles, God does not long for people to serve him like slaves. He does not demand of us to live at the mercy of him and others around us. He showed us by example that he himself never did that. That he defined “surrender” and “to...
Do we hand ourselves over or do we live by real devotion? Part 2
Today I would like to look at how we can live a life of devotion and shed that victim mentality of living at the mercy of others. As we have seen in this Article from last week, there is a huge difference between real devotion and this presumed devotion that has much...
Do we hand ourselves over or do we live by real devotion?
Did you know there is a huge difference between handing yourself over and living a life of devotion? Most of the time, this difference is not visible from the outside. Plenty of Christian songs talk about the topic. “I give myself to you” – “I surrender” – “I am...
How we can live a successful life after big mistakes or failures
Today’s article is slightly different. It is not in direct relation with family …. However, it has everything to do with family, education, mariage and personal growth. Simply because a peaceful, happy and healthy family has less to do with what we do – then of whom...
A worthless activity that absorbed my day-turned around in a precious teaching for my kids.
Those who regularly read my articles know that it is really important for me to invest my heart and life into my children and my husband. I want to be close to them and share my life and heart with them. However, I keep reminding myself that this is a daily decision....
“I am so stupid!” – The way we talk to ourselves
This morning I was eating breakfast together with my children, drinking my coffee. With a sudden movement to help one of the children with his cereals, I spoiled my whole coffee over the table, chair and floor. My first, spontaneous reaction was “oh no!”… But then, I...
A vacation on a campground and how realities can be completely different
The past two weeks I have been on a campground with my children. We were in a tent, enjoying the warmth of a beautiful autumn. Since the campground was one of only a few which were open during this fall season, my sister was there with her family during almost the...
Six ways to improve the relationship with your entrusted ones- Part two
In the last Article we saw the first three ways of attaching. We talked about Physical proximity, Sameness and Belonging & Loyalty. Here we go for the ways of attaching through Significance, feeling and being known: Significance “This way of pursuing closeness...
Six ways to improve the relationship with your entrusted ones – first part
As announced in the last article, here we go for the different ways of attachment. Working on it I realized again how ample the content of this topic is, so I decided to divide them into two parts. Today, we will look at the first three ways. It is important to...
Love is a verb – and more thoughts on marriage
Today is our 8th Anniversary! I love to be married. And I love to be married to this amazing person that is Benny. And I love the security and peace I feel concerning our union and family. I was pondering on why we feel that way, and I figured out the following: We...
Shapes – One of the most important truth to understand when raising kids.
Considering that family is the foundation of our society I think it’s crazy that there is so little support and help, so little valuable teaching found on how to create a healthy family. If you are like me, there are very few areas where you can simply imitate your...
Personal application of how we can dialogue with God about feelings
As we have seen in the last Article, Emotions in itself are not bad. What our reactions to them is makes all the difference. It is so vital, that we recognize them and name them so we can do something about what is happening inside of us. In this article I provide a...
Are you an emotional person? Five points how you can handle your many emotions and help your child to do the same.
Emotions are a good and vital part of our lives. Some people live a pretty emotional life - others are less emotional. The approach to these emotions varies according to culture, upbringing, personality. Living in South America, I loved the "sangre latina" (Latin...
About Generations, Heritage, Legacy, Destiny and predisposition
I was doing some research about the upbringing of John Edwards. What I found here, was this: Both parents were known intellectuals and that shaped him from his early childhood days. His father was well respected as both a teacher and preacher. His mother was well...
Multigenerational legacies – the story of Jonathan Edwards
written on July 1, 2017 by Larry Ballard Taken with permission from YWAM family ministry, These contrasting legacies provide an example of what some call the five-generation rule. “How a parent raises their child — the love they give, the values they teach, the...
My perfect plans for the future and God’s heart for a toddler
Recently my husband and I decided, to enroll in a Bible school for the next three years. My mother in law and my sister agreed to look after the four kids in the evenings and sometimes during days when we would be away. It felt right, and it was the perfect...
Rules of Families that Nurture vs. Rules that Shame
Family is a beautiful design. All it takes is getting pregnant and putting babies into this world. Or is it? Wherever you read this blog from, you have your unique story about your family of origin. You have your unique background, unique experiences. They may be...
Have you ever felt that you are not lovable for who you truly are? More about it you’ll find here.
Have you ever felt that you are not lovable, acceptable for who you truly are? The feeling of shame is a powerful emotion, and very often hidden deep inside, while you don’t even realize that this painful feeling of life is called “shame”. Shame is this powerful...
How to break patterns in your life that hold you back
The past three weeks I spend some vacation time with my four kids, my sister and her kids in France on a campground. She rented a little cottage; I stayed in a tent right beside her place. We enjoyed the beach, the pool, the heat, the sand… and each other. We truly...
Why I am not simlply a mom who tries to give her best
Sometimes, per social media I receive some tagged image from friends of mine that are mothers too. These images have text on it, and it says something like: “There is no superhero mom, there are real moms who try to give their best, and sometimes fail”. These texts...
The big difference between character and personality and why many times, the excuse “I’m just like that” doesn’t work.
Having four children being so amazingly different from each other reminds me all over again that we are all made with different personalities. That even coming from the same family, having the same parents, education and background, siblings can be so different,...
How I choose my parenting books
Some thoughts to consider before implementing advices from so-called experts into your family In this article I will highlight a few points, what matters to me with every book I read. With those points you can then decide for yourself, which books you want to apply on...
three things we would love our parents to understand – a message to parents with adult children.
I’ve heard many times parents with adult children telling me: You will see, when you’re children are adult, they will tell you what you all made wrong. You will have rebel teenagers too, that’s just the way it is. I agree that my children will surely (hopefully) tell...
Talking about Blueprint – a Metaphor that explains it all
In order to help our children to enter their blueprint, it is important to understand what it is all about. In this Metaphor, there is . an Architect A Contractor The Bulilding supplier A little castle and the Blueprint God is the creator of the Child. So in this...