How to break patterns in your life that hold you back
The past three weeks I spend some vacation time with my four kids, my sister and her kids in France on a campground. She rented a little cottage; I stayed in a tent right beside her place. We enjoyed the beach, the pool, the heat, the sand… and each other.
We truly had an amazing time, enjoying each other’s company, having a lot of deep talks and sharing our hearts.
This may sound just normal to you, but to me, being able to write about these weeks like that is just amazing. I am talking about my sister.
And we grew up in a home, where hatred, hurtful actions and words toward each other were a family pattern. Jealousy about different treatment she and I received from our parents were a daily normality (since I was the “rebel”, she was the “golden child”).
I hated her for being always the “nice” one, and me taking on all the blame. She hated me because I treated her in a mean way and didn’t help the “family harmony” with my rebel attitude.
It was not the first holiday we did spend like this, but surely the best one yet. Each time we have such times together, we have more understanding, love and compassion for each other, and each time we appreciate more deeply who the other person is.We did discuss how this became possible. How we can have such a relationship after our hurtful past.
We agreed on these following points:
- Time does not heal any wounds. Even if this is a famous saying, it is not true. Time alone does not have the power to heal and restore anything. Time can be a helpful element in the process, but is not the power itself. God does heal any wound. His love, compassion and deep understanding of our motivations and longings does. Sometimes, this can be overnight. Sometimes, it can be a process that takes quite some time.
It has been said, “time heals all wounds.” I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and pain lessens. But is never gone.
- Courage to face our reality. Both my sister and I grew up with a certain “blindness” about our reality. We had no idea what was really hidden in our hearts. When reality hit us, it was a painful process to go through. She remembers that for her the big awakening of this reality took place while being away for an Au pair year and being confronted with a very loving family, with a loving and invested father. She had about six months, where she spent about two hours every day in the presence of God…. Just crying her pain out to him. I spent about 18 months in a Christian restoration home with many teachings, counselling, crying, and confronting my shame, pain, and failures that were a pattern in my life for so long. This process took a lot of courage and overcoming. For a time it hurt a lot more, than if we would have just been staying in our “reality”. However the outcome of our lives would have been very different.
- We would never be where we are without Jesus.
Religion is not something that makes us free. No religion of this world can truly bring healing and restoration in a life. It can bring a relief. There are many “self-help” groups, both “spiritual” and secular. We do think that psychologists and therapists and the different groups of “anonymous so and so” have their place. There are many good books out there to help us understand and grow.
However, the true power of healing and restoration lies in the cross. Jesus is the one that took all our faults, shame and blame when he died on the cross. He is the one that can heal any trauma, hurts, abuse, betrayal and loss. He is more than willing to reach out to us and restore us by His grace! Where we fail in our own strength to overcome our wounds and obstacles, God comes in with his wonderful grace and just does it, often without us even realizing how it all happened. It sounds so easy. Yet it is so powerful.
My life and the life of my sister are the proof of what I am saying. Looking around me, seeing many broken lives, children, teenagers, young adults and even matured adults and elderly people: my heart reaches out to all of you!
Now that I have this website I finally can tell you, whatever your life situation is, whatever your story is: The reality of your life can be changed! God is able to make you a completely new person!