– from Identity
to destiny –
Welcome! I am so glad you are here!
Welcome! I am so glad you are here!
This website will provide you with new articles about family life, education, marriage, personal growth and about faith. The content is profound, practical, based on love. It honors you as a family and an individual, independently of your origin and social background. I will share with you the insights of my journey to be this successful woman, wife and mother. I enjoy my life with a deep gratefulness in my heart – and the aim is to share what I’ve learned with you. Come and join the thousands of readers from all over the world!
With love,
Jeanne from familythatmatters
This website will provide you with new articles about family life, education, marriage, personal growth and about faith. The content is profound, practical, based on love. It honors you as a family and an individual, independently of your origin and social background. I will share with you the insights of my journey to be this successful woman, wife and mother. I enjoy my life with a deep gratefulness in my heart – and the aim is to share what I’ve learned with you. Come and join the thousands of readers from all over the world!
With love,
Jeanne from familythatmatters
Culture is not culture until it shows up in the children
by culturofhonor
Discover the articles!
The rod of discipline found in the new Testament
I have discovered a passage in the New Testament in which the term "rod" also appears. It is in 1. Corinthians 4:21, where it says: "Which do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a rod [of discipline and correction], or with love and a gentle spirit?" Paul writes at...
Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid
Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. John 14.1/27 We live in a time where it is of such importance to decide what we allow our heart to meditate on, to believe in, and to react upon. Every day, we can choose to meditate on what the media presents...
After a long sommerbreak – news from familythatmatters
The effect of multitasking on our family – and why it should be avoided
In only a few days our family is going to take an 8-hour drive to spend some family vacations in the south of France. As our planned vacation in spring were canceled due to the closed frontiers, we were unsure if and when we would be able to go for a family...
How to recognize shame in your life and family and to grow out of it Part 2 -with Video –
Last week we dug into the subject of shame. I shared (here) five common patterns for people and families who live life through the lenses of shame. Today we will see the 10 other points. Let’s dive into it right away: YOU ACT LIKE A VICTIM “People with a history of...
How to recognize shame in your life and family and to grow out of it Part 1 -with Video –
Last week I posted a video week on my other website freedomthatmatters.com. The topic was about shame and how I learned to not let shame rule my life. I got several feedbacks from people sharing their struggle with shame. Last week I posted a video week on my other...
Family life during the time of Covid-19
Here I am, back after several weeks in which I have not uploaded an article to this website.Since the beginning of this pandemic, I have realized how rich and diverse the whole subject of child education and family life has been covered. Wherever one looked, inputs,...
How to stay calm in testing times
Last week I received a voicemail from a friend in Seattle – we live 5000 miles apart, with a time difference of 8 hours. I was amazed however, how our lives look very similar right now. Both of us entered into the realm of home schooling our kids, our daily life is...
Let’s talk about Counterwill – and how it not only applies to Children
A few weeks ago, we were riding in the car as a family - I was driving. It was a sunny day and I forgot to turn on the lights. On the way to my destination, just before a roundabout, the car in front of me suddenly stopped. The driver (an elderly man) got out of the...
How do I get a child to obey if it does not want to – a practical Example
When I told a boy at our school's weekly collective lunch a few weeks ago to help me carry the table in, he ran away with the words : "Nah, I'm not in the mood!" At the moment I felt powerless and let another boy help me. Before the next collective lunch I thought...
Family – ways of transformation part 2
In the last article we looked at a grid that shows different family dynamics. This grid was developed by the authors of the book "Facing Shame - families in Recovery " to help families to enter the process of change The authors are therapists who work a lot with...
Family – ways of transformation
A few weeks ago, when I wrote an article on the subject of "Perfect families? Healthy and well-functioning families" , I set out the five freedoms that I believe are the basis for a healthy family. Then we looked at the dynamics of a family based on shame and its...
Characteristics of a shame based family and how change can happen part 2
In the last article I described a family based on shame. I described what one can imagine by the word shame and how this shame can shape the dynamics of a family. A freely invented story should illustrate this dynamic:Once upon a time there was a traditional American...
Characteristics of a shame based family and how change can happen
Description of the term "family based on shame". A few weeks ago I wrote a paper on family for my 3-year counseling school. It was to be an essay about my personal path, and about what I had learned from the various readings. In the following articles, I will reflect...
Perfect families? Healthy and well functioning families!
Have you ever seen families that looked perfect from the outside? Families that radiate a pleasant atmosphere and a feeling of love, acceptance, respect and relaxation even when you get to know them better?We all know that there are no "perfect" families. And yet I...
3 Steps toward helping your wife to feel more close to you
Hey husbands, have you ever been in the situation, where you know, your wife is kind of distant, reserved toward you, but you don’t know exactly why? And even worse, you don’t know what to do about it. While she may simply be mad at you (ever had the situation where...
My Journey of the last decade and what I learned from it
There s a new article I recently published on my other website called "freedomthatmatters". You can read the article by visiting here or read it right here:
Reflecting the online webinar “making sense of troubled kids”
The other day, Benny told me: "Jeanne, I'm going to have some work to do for business tonight. This whole month will be very intense as we will be moving the business until the end of the year." I told him this was all right and I took care of the kids.hen Benny asked...
The secret of true freedom
There s a new article I recently published on my other website called "freedomthatmatters". You can read the article by visiting here or read it right here:
How we can create an environment in which our child can perceive its feelings
As mentioned in the last two articles (here and here) , I participated in a webinar - an online seminar - presented live from Canada. The speaker was Gordon Neufeld and the title was "Making Sense of Troubled Kids". Many insights, revelations and important information...
Why we should never use attachment as a weapon against our children
As mentioned in the last article, I recently attended a webinar - an online seminar - presented live from Canada.The speaker was Gordon Neufeld and the title was "Making Sense of Troubled Kids". Many insights, revelations and important information were gathered in...
Difficult children – a look under the iceberg
- Making sense of troubled Kids- A résumé from an online webinar, held by Gordon Neufeld Phd A few weeks ago I took part in a webinar - an online seminar - which was broadcast live from Canada. The speaker was Gordon Neufeld and the title was: Understanding difficult...
The influence of attachment on family values
When our girl was about three years old, she was of a very independent spirit. She was a happy little girl; however, she didn’t need us, as it seemed.When we went for a walk, she walked in front or behind us. She never came for a cuddle and showed herself pretty...
Why values in a family are so important part 2
In the last article I wrote on how we as a family implement principles and values into our children. How we don’t simply “go with the flow” but deliberately choose what we want to accept into our family. We don’t let just anything our society presents to us enter our...
Why values in a family are so important
My heart is heavy right now. News from the turbulent situation in Bolivia – and South America in general invade my social media and inbox. I am looking at videos that let me have a glimpse into what is happening in the “heart of South America” - videos, which explain...
Why we don’t strive to have a good marriage anymore
A few hours ago, Benny and I came back from a workshop on marriage, called LAM (Love after marriage). I am still filled with all those impressions, it was so amazing. The most amazing, life transforming reality in this workshop was the tangible presence of the Holy...
“I thought that this was love” – how to make the difference between love and codependency
As I wrote in the last article, I had to learn the difference between codependency and love the hard way. In fact, I didn’t even know that there was a difference between the two. I knew the word “codependency” but never made the parallel to my own life.Today, all...
Open letter from a grateful me to the guy that broke my heart
Dear friend, For a long time, you and “our story” was buried inside me like the wreck of the Titanic on the bottom of the sea – forgotten and invisible, yet part of my story, my past. Even years later, it was very difficult for me to dive to the depth of the sea to...
Can you imagine not caring for yourself and still being cared for?
Last week, Jeanne and I celebrated the 10 year anniversary of our marriage. It was a moment to look back, to reflect and to ponder over the effects our marriage has had on the lives of each of us. No words can describe the gratefulness this created in my heart. Having...
Why the image we have of authority is so important part 2
As promised, in this article I will make available an example of Haim Omer's lecture, which embodies these theories and practically shows how this kind of authority could look like. Before I start with this week's thoughts, I would like to briefly recall the last...
Why the image we have of authority is so important
Last week I received a link from a lecture by Haim Omer, a teacher and author from Israel, who gave a presentation on "The New Authority, Part 1". (lecture hold in german.) I found the topic very exciting and diligently took notes.This article is now based on these...
Why children need to experience real life with us, their parents
The beautiful thing about being a parent, is that we teach our children real life. There is a big difference between children that grew up in a family and children that, most of the time, were put in a day care. As Jesper Juul explains in his book ”No! The art of...
What if you feel too empty to love your family?
As I drove home from church, I made a simple but urgent prayer: "Lord, this week was so packed with all the “last week of summer vacation-stuff” – and I have no inspiration what I should write about in my weekly article! Please, I need your help!”A small voice talked...
How to walk a way of transformation – four steps toward freedom
This past week, our family spent some amazing days in a lovely family hotel in the south of Germany, in midst of the beautiful nature of Bayern. We were part of a camp, organized by our church. I enjoyed my break from cooking and cleaning; but even more than that, I...
How the traits of my father follow me and how I learned to deal with it
Last week I wrote an article about „My father- and how I learned to honor him“. There I wrote how there was a time when I was “rejecting him and everything (and everyone) resembling him.” How today, “I recognize those attributes of him that I see in myself as well....
My father – and how I learned to honor him
When I think of my father today, I see a man who is very upright. Someone who would always give his best. He would never do something he knows would be wrong. His moral standards are very, very high. For years, he worked in a job he actually hated, in order to feed...
How last week I had to force my kids into their happiness
I know how to make my children happy. Chocolate for our girl, permission to play "Rollercoaster Tycoon" on the computer for our oldest, a trip to the Dinosaur Museum for our third one... I could include a whole list of my children's wishes here. And frankly, I love...
What our youngest had in common with a little Chihuahua
A few weeks ago I had a talk with Heinz Etter. I love to hear his insights about challenges we face in raising our children – he has this special capacity to not only grasp the situation I see but to point out things I don't see. This happened again on that talk.I...
How a reader’s family applied the idea of talking about sexuality with their children
A few weeks ago, when I wrote a multi-part article on "Sexuality - should we talk about it with our children", I was well aware that this was a challenging topic for many families.Despite the media surge of explicit material, many of us find it difficult to deal with...
A bad day – and two insights coming out of it
Did you ever have one of those days, when you worked hard all day while having a hard time to focus and not really accomplishing that much? Well I had one of those days this week. It was one of the first really hot days of summer. I did have some trouble concentrating...
What a mischief of our child can tell us about ourselves
This Wednesday, my sister-in-law and myself went to visit a dear friend in the French part of Switzerland.We were able to leave our kids at home; I only took my sweet three-year old with me. While we were sitting in the garden having a delicious meal, enjoying each...
“I wouldn’t want you to be my secretary“
These were the words of a professional, who is without a secretary at the moment. I love what this person does. That's why I told him I would love to help out but didn't think I was the right person for this job.That’s when he told me: “I wouldn’t want you to be my...
How we can redeem each other into our God-given identity
About a year ago I wrote an article called “How individuality in marriage scared me – and how I learned to enjoy it“ There, you could read a conversation we had a few years into our marriage, where I told Benny: “Darling, we have a problem!“ He looked at me puzzled,...
Do we encourage our children to dream?
Have you ever experienced your child telling you something like: "Mommy, I want to fly once..can we go fly with a plane sometime?" Or: "Mommy, see those beautiful ballons over there!" Often we're busy with something else and try to settle the matter quickly: "Yeah, we...
My experiences concerning abuse and what I learned from them
In the past three articles (see here, here and here) I wrote about the somewhat heavy subject of sexual abuse on our children.I found it a difficult task to resume the book I was working with; even though it was a quick read – it was packed with important, relevant...
Hit with a discovery of sexual abuse on your child? Here you’ll find some help on how to manage such a situation.
In this article, you found ways on how to establish a dialogue with children to keep them from being abused. The second article discussed how adults should act to remove doubt and identify possible abuse of the child. In the unfortunate case where abuse has indeed...
How to be prepared to detect sexual abuse of our children
In the last article we saw how difficult it is for most of us to talk about sex, especially with a child. That for adults, sexuality seems trivialized, but as soon as it concerns children, we don't know how to do it." This is one of the reasons why a situation of...
Sexuality – should we talk about it with our children?
As part of my counseling school, which I just started at the beginning of April, we have to read a few books. Here I am in our holidays at the campsite in the south of France with my children and I take the opportunity to read the first book of the compulsory reading:...
How to break free from poisonous Pedagogy today
In today’s article we will explore some more the subject of poisonous pedagogy. Then I will share with you how today I am able to recognize the pattern of poisonous pedagogy and how I am able to choose new ways and apply a new mindset for how I view God, how I see my...
An essay about Poisonous Pedagogy back in time and Today
Regardless of the season of my life, I have always had one final goal in mind: I wanted to be able to start a family. Not just any family. I longed for a healthy family. I knew, even in the years of "rebellion", while I was questioning all the values and things taught...
Children and Technology – should we even try to stop it? Part 3
As we have seen in the last two articles, the topic "media and children" is about more than competence. It's about maturity. In the first article, we took a closer look at what the word " literacy" really means. The second article showed how we can support our...
Children and Technology – should we even try to stop it? 2.Part
Today's generation of parents (especially those who already have older children and teenagers) still had a childhood with cassettes, walkmans, televisions with only three channels and telephone booths. The first computers of that time cannot be compared with what we...
Children and Technology – should we even try to stop it?
I still remember well how my father brought the first computer into our house in 1993. I remember the first versions of Windows, the scratchy sound when we tried to connect the PC to the Internet, our first printer and how we stored documents on floppy disks. My...
Great news on the 2. anniversary of familythatmatters.com
Since I opened this website two years ago, many things have happened in my life. It has been a journey into something I am very passionate about: Writing around the subject of family. A platform to share my insights, thoughts, experiences and my personal learning...
When saying goodbye to my prince charming doesn’t mean entering a real fairytale
While I was still writing my last article (Saying goodbye to prince charming – to live a real fairytale), I was aware that there are people who are in a really difficult situation in their marriage. I was aware that my challenges with Benny were only everyday issues...
Saying goodbye to prince charming – to live a real fairytale
Have you ever looked at other couples, feeling that they, contrary to your marriage, have it all together? That they are both fulfilled and happy, living a fairy tale marriage? I have met couples who have looked perfect. I’ve looked up to them, they seemed to have it...
The story about unbecoming stressed with our two-year old
Even though this article is about the age of two, Frank and Catherine Fabiano in their book "Die Herzen unserer Kinder berühren"(Touching the hearts of our children) raise our hope by telling us that if we missed the point with this stage of life, God has given us...
The Hardships and the Fruits of investing in your Kids
As you've probably read in this post, we have a family bed – well it has grown beyond one bed as our family has grown, but we do sleep in one room. There was a time the oldest two were sleeping in their own room and they did very well. However, after a while they...
Different beliefs about Destiny – and how they will impact our family Part 3
Mindset of the wealthy Like I tried to make sure in the two past articles, I will not talk about money here. This article will not treat the subject of how to become rich and live a life of luxury. You could rather compare this article to the one called...
Different beliefs about Destiny – and how they will impact our family Part 2
Mindset of middle class In the last article we saw that our worldview is greatly influenced by our upbringing, the world we live in, be it poverty, middle class or wealth. We saw that wealth is not equal to riches or possession but rather a...
Different beliefs about Destiny – and how they will impact our family
From Identity to destiny – this is our slogan from familythatmatters. This is our vision statement. A vision statement is a way to explain in one sentence who we are, why we exist, what is distinctive about us and what we do want to accomplish. All the...
What Queen Esther has to do with the new year’s resolution
While this post may sound somewhat unusual to some people – especially men or easy going people in general, the principles described have helped countless people who were dealing with any kind of shame in their lives. It’s the end of one year, 2018 and the beginning...
The reason why I am thankful on Christmas
My house is decorated with lights Christmas decoration and candles. Presents are ready, cookies are made, Christmas-dinner planned, family celebrations are all organized … and our home is filled with expectation and our children are full of this tingling sensation for...
How to stop fighting against the personality differences of your child
It has been amazing to watch the change that occurred in the life of our boy since that moment we had our first counseling session concerning our 5-year old a month ago. He has made a huge amount of progress in his whole being. He didn’t “change”. He still loves to...
How the advice of an expert changed my view about my 5-year old
As I told you in the last article, there are times when we have such kind of issues with one of our children, that we ask a good friend or an expert for help.This is what we did lately.I sent Heinz Etter an e-mail, where I wrote him about our...
How active appreciation can shape a family culture
In the last Article I've shared with you how active appreciation has changed my life. How Benny brought this into our marriage, and how it transformed me over the years. Today, it is not only our marriage that is bathed in active appreciation, but it has turned into a...
How active Appreciation can make a difference
There is little I cherish more in our marriage than active appreciation. Active appreciation is something Benny brought into my life.His way of how he actively appreciates who I am and what I do has changed my life over the years. Today, our whole family is constantly...
Nobody is perfect – but what about our own life?
Nobody is perfect We all agree with that. Wall tattoos, posters and cards confirm that we all know this to be true. However…. How about our own life? How do we deal with our own shortcomings, failures and wrongdoings?Most people I know, after facing their imperfection...
The liberated conscience – in the life of an adult
Personal thoughts and application on an attended lecture on education, given by Heinz Etter Part 3When I look at my own life, I remember what it felt like to be punished, blamed and shamed for my “wrongdoings”. Irrespective of whether those things were done “by...
The liberated conscience …. Thoughts on an attended lecture on education, given by Heinz Etter Part 2
In the last article I shared with you my résumé of what I got out of the lecture about education with the title “The liberated conscience”, held by Heinz Etter. As promised, I will share more about the final thoughts of that lecture: this article will help us to...
The liberated conscience …. Thoughts on an attended lecture on education, given by Heinz Etter
I love to attend lectures on education. Even more if it’s held by Heinz Etter. His way of understanding children, his wisdom to help families, his capacity to suggest a solution that transforms a family are all unique to him. Remember Maria? She felt pretty hopeless...
Choosing a Mindset of Gratitude: How counting your Blessings will change your Life
As you've probably read in the last article, we had some rain during our time in France. In fact, after I had written the last article, it rained continuously for the whole remaining 10 days we were there – and after the one storm alert, level "orange", a second one...
How to turn Problems and Challenges into Adventures
Today, at our holiday place, we've moved from our tent into a bungalow... as we are in the middle of a weather alert level „orange“ - which means heavy winds and rain for the next 24 hours. I would say, this is an adventure. However, one could say: „An...
The importance of the “Five Laws of Life” for you and your family
Once again, I'm sitting in front of our tent in the south of France writing this article.We enjoy these vacations a lot. These are always precious times as a family. This time, a befriended family joined us, and our children love to play together as much as we adults...
The way out of playing the “good girl” or turning into a “bad girl”
After I wrote the last Article about„why I don’t want to be a good girl anymore", I got some feedback from people telling me that they were relieved to read the end. Simply, because the opposite of a “good girl” – is usually a “bad girl”. In our use of language, a...
Why I don’t want to be a nice girl anymore
There was a time in my life when I was (or tried to be) a “nice girl”. I used to be that the kind of girl who tried to be a good citizen by being polite, quiet, obedient, serving, endearing, sweet, gentle – and nice. In my understanding, being a nice girl was...
How a culture of honor in a family can bring forth beautiful results part 2
As we saw in the last Article, a culture of Honor empowers. Honor sets you free – free to change, free to grow, to flourish and to give your best. The same goes for our children – any children under our authority. We saw how there is another way than to define our...
How a culture of honor in a family can bring forth beautiful results part 1
Honoring – can this be a way to raise children? Last week I told you in this Article how Honor is something that keeps our marriage strong. However, Honor is not only something that keeps our marriage strong; it’s also something that shapes our family, the way we...
Honor – the secret of our marriage summed up in one word
This week we celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary. It feels like yesterday when we stood before the altar… and we promised each other to love and honor each other, through the good and the bad times. We wrote our wedding vows ourselves, they were beautiful. After...
Why we have a family bed and how it works for us part 2
Like I said in part one of this article, my mission is not to convert you into a “Family- bed-lover”. I am not in search of arguments, in order to persuade my readers of doing it the same way we do. Last week I explained to you why we do that way, and how it worked...
Why we have a family bed and how it works for us
This Article is not at all an attempt to convert you into a “Family bed -lover”. I have many friends who know about our way of doing that, telling me “for such or such reason, I would never be able to do it like you do!” And you know what? This is totally fine. What...
40 years old – how I grew into being myself
This week I turned 40 – and I was thinking about sharing something meaningful with you about my own life.This is a beautiful season of life for me. Not because I have it all together, nor because I understand it all. I haven’t figured out how to be perfect or how to...
Chaotic, goal-oriented and structured — camping from the perspective of a friend
For my upcoming round birthday I got a very special present: A friend of mine wrote an article in which she describes the holidays we spent with our children at a campsite in the south of France this spring. Her description touched me deeply, made me smile and gave me...
Family Vacation – a good Time to review Family Vision and Values
We spent the last three weeks as a family in the south of France. These yearly vacations are of high value for us, as these are a couple of unique days to spend lots of time together, to experience many adventures as a family, to spend hours around the dinner table –...
How to experience happiness in midst of challenges, pain and personal mistakes
Have you ever had to face a reality that was not what you wanted it to be? A life that didn't turn out the way you imagined? The reality of failure or meaningful mistakes, a painful loss or situations that turned out differently than planned? I did. And actually, I've...
From crying to happy in 10 seconds – or – what makes a Kid tough
Over the ages, many a parent must have pondered about how they can prevent their kids from becoming crybabies and instead become strong, stable and tough persons. While this may apply to boys in particular, I am sure parents want brave daughters as well. Daughters who...
How we rise our children bilingual without us being bilingual parents
I love languages. Today, I speak fluently German, French, English and Spanish. I’m also learning Portuguese and Swedish on a daily basis. This is not something that was predestined from my upbringing. Even though I have French and Scandinavian roots, I wasn’t raised...
How to find rest in your relationship with your own parents
As I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, we started to talk about our parents. We talked about the challenge of facing our reality. This desire to have a good, loving relationship with our parents. And how, in some situations, this is nearly impossible. How...
Why I won’t push my children’s self-confidence and what I nurture instead
As a mother, I want my children to be confident in who they are. I see part of successful parenting in having children that have identity, that they are solidly rooted in life, with confidence and security. However, I don’t want children with inflated egos. I don’t...
Challenges of parenting – in light of the imprints of our past
I have a friend from childhood, who today is married and a mother of 3 children. She is a very devoted mother who loves her children above all else and wants the best for them. Nevertheless, one often hears her yelling at her children, for completely irrelevant...
How individuality in marriage scared me – and how I learned to enjoy it
As we’ve seen in the last article, it is the accepting and supporting of the uniqueness and individuality of each family member which creates a healthy, functional family that lives together in unity. Today I want to share what I’ve learned in this area within our...
Functional Families vs dysfunctional Families – an Overview
When I get asked about my childhood, I mostly reply: « Well, my family was pretty dysfunctional». Some well-meaning people might say: Well you know, no family is perfect!Of course.However, there are ways to determine whether a family is healthy (functional) – or...
To see or not to see (our loved ones) – that’s the question
Being people with that gift of having two eyes to see, this may seem like a funny title. "Of course I see my loved ones! I certainly see (some of us need glasses to do so clearly) my children and my spouse!" But just ask yourself, did you always feel seen by the...
How to shake off the outside pressure on your parenting by keeping the right focus
Have you ever asked yourself how to not bend under the pressure of parenting? Every parent I’ve ever met has this ardent desire to be a successful parent. However, the definition of “successful” parenting can vary tremendously. Many parents are under great pressure...
“Why I stay” … Alexis impressive faithfulness in the midst of strong feelings
Remember my friend Maria? She amazes me daily with her heart to be a wonderful mom for her daughter, overcoming their difficult past with her teachable, soft spirit. Today I will introduce to you another friend of mine. Let’s call her Alexis. Alexis is married and a...
How to recognize and break vicious circles in your family
Has it ever happened to you that your child behaved in such an annoying way that it was difficult for you to treat him or her with a loving attitude? Have you ever been so displeased with your spouse that it was difficult for you to say the words "I love you" to him...
How to be a perfect mom – (and why you are able to be one )
After talking with moms from different backgrounds, cultures and levels of society I realized we all have things in common. An important one of them is the heart of a mother that longs to be a perfect mom for her children. Often, mothers don’t tell it like this. More...
Vacations are priceless – and this for life, not just for a moment.
As I am writing this article, I'm sitting outside our tent, listening to the birds up in the tree, to the children playing on the playground nearby and to the people splashing in the the pool only a few meters away from our camping place.... Yes, I am still on...
How Maria was blown away by an experts advice
When you are reading this article, I am already in the south of France, on a campground with my kids. Spring here is somewhat warmer and sunnier than in Switzerland and while Benny stayed behind for his job, our four kids and I enjoy our tent holidays near the...
About the power of labels and the better way to go
As I mentioned in the last article I had some labels to strip off, in order to become who I am today. Therefore I am well aware of the power of such labels.I know the cost of breaking out of the narrowness, into the freedom of the true riches of identity and with it...
Labels and diagnosis we give our children – and how they affect them
During my years in South America I often observed how children were called by adjectives instead of their names. They were called names like “El gordito”(fat), “flaquito” (slim), “gringo”(western, white skin) , “negro”(black – having a dark skin) etc. In the...
I don’t love him – feelings of a married woman and her understanding of true love
I haven’t been writing much, concerning this section of marriage … simply because I feel like Benny is the one making our marriage as easy and beautiful as it is. He’s a man of quality, and everything he does; he does with excellence – including being a husband....
Some personal thoughts on my first year running this Website
When I started with that website exactly one year ago, I had mainly one thing in mind: To write down all these “articles” I had been formulating in my head for years, to write down all my revelations and understandings I had been telling people about, to write down...
The 6 Stages of attachment – and how to repair missing stages part 2
In last week’s article we’ve been looking at the six stages of attachment. We we’ve seen how there is a maturing process going on with the purpose to create solid attachment. This attachment creates a solid bond between the child and the parent, making our task as...
The 6 Stages of attachment – and how to repair missing stages part 1
Last week, I attended training for parents, provided by the school our oldest child goes to. I enjoy such trainings, as I find it highly interesting and challenging to get exposed to insights about raising my kids. There is one of the elements of that training that...
“I can’t forgive” – the perspective from someone that faced abuse
In last week's article I have been digging quite a bit into the whole subject of abuse — once again. The first time I was confronted to that subject was during my time in a Christian counseling home about 15 years ago. It was during that time I met Téo....
Ways to protect our Kids – let’s talk about the Reality of Pedophiles
Todays Post is not an easy read. However, I can assure you – it is of utmost importance. It is a “must” for every parent to get educated about this subject. As I entered motherhood, I discovered this intense feeling I didn’t even know the existence of, before: This...
Are we acting as manager or as buffers for our children?
Being a family implies that we live in a certain society, a culture, that has its values, norms and demands. As parents we often are influenced by that pressure to fit in, to have children, who are adapted, quick and clever enough. Many times, the temptation for us...
The secret of celebrating a loved one
I’ve never been much of a birthday- person. Of course, I appreciated the gifts I received. But if someone forgot about my birthday, I didn’t really care that much. The same came true for the birthday of others. I never was good at remembering birthdays. Concerning my...
The day when I became a princess, I found my prince
I still remember that one evening, when I was sitting in front of my computer. I lived in Zurich, was about 28 years old and I was doing my studies as a small children educator. That evening I was bored and lonely. Therefore, playing around with Google, I wrote:...
Sunny day or foggy Landscape? – Embracing the seasons of your life
Where we live, wintertime is the time of the year when outside it is cold and dark. It is the time of the year when we are supposed to get lot of snow here in Switzerland. But the reality is, that in the plain where we live, we seldom have the privilege to have...
Values and norms – how understanding these two words can transform your family
Have your kids ever asked why they should do certain things a certain way? Have you ever found yourself answering them, that this is just the way everyone does it? Or did you ever meet a big amount of rules – at your church, workplace or in your own childhood – asking...
Family dynamics: The patterns of individual roles in a family part2
Last week we have been looking at two roles that children are easily adopting in any family. The roles themselves aren’t bad, they are simply part of a family dynamic. However, the more we as parents understand what’s happening, the more we can reach out to our...
Family dynamics: The patterns of individual roles in a family Part 1
Like every year, spending Christmas celebrations with our families has been an interesting experience. On one hand, I love it. I enjoy having the privilege to celebrate with my siblings and parents, to celebrate with my in laws. However, it is challenging too. Simply...
Happy new year 2018! -The reason I feel so blessed and amazed looking back at my 2017
I think my year was amazing. I feel absolutely blessed and amazed looking back to it! Thinking about what makes me feel that way I realize that it has nothing to do with a “pretended perfect live” we have. . I had people in my life that rejected me, not liking who I...
How we de-stressed this Christmas season for our family
Christmas season. I love it. I love the lights, the smells the music, the decorations. Today, on Thursday the 21st of December, as I write this Article, we have our first Christmas celebration. In the next six days, we have five more. The whole month of December has...
What if by raising children we miss out on something very important?
As we have seen in the two previous articles, God does not long for people to serve him like slaves. He does not demand of us to live at the mercy of him and others around us. He showed us by example that he himself never did that. That he defined “surrender” and “to...
Do we hand ourselves over or do we live by real devotion? Part 2
Today I would like to look at how we can live a life of devotion and shed that victim mentality of living at the mercy of others. As we have seen in this Article from last week, there is a huge difference between real devotion and this presumed devotion that has much...
Do we hand ourselves over or do we live by real devotion?
Did you know there is a huge difference between handing yourself over and living a life of devotion? Most of the time, this difference is not visible from the outside. Plenty of Christian songs talk about the topic. “I give myself to you” – “I surrender” – “I am...
How we can live a successful life after big mistakes or failures
Today’s article is slightly different. It is not in direct relation with family …. However, it has everything to do with family, education, mariage and personal growth. Simply because a peaceful, happy and healthy family has less to do with what we do – then of whom...
A worthless activity that absorbed my day-turned around in a precious teaching for my kids.
Those who regularly read my articles know that it is really important for me to invest my heart and life into my children and my husband. I want to be close to them and share my life and heart with them. However, I keep reminding myself that this is a daily decision....
Three important things to consider before bringing your kids to a nursery
In our western world a nursery (in GB the word “crèche” is used) has become indispensable. They allow parents to combine work and family. In some families it is unavoidable in their life situations, for others it’s a cultural norm, for some a standard of living....
“I am so stupid!” – The way we talk to ourselves
This morning I was eating breakfast together with my children, drinking my coffee. With a sudden movement to help one of the children with his cereals, I spoiled my whole coffee over the table, chair and floor. My first, spontaneous reaction was “oh no!”… But then, I...
Halloween is my favorite holiday – Really?
No it is not. But this is a sentence I have read from several friends over social media. In Switzerland it is not that big a deal as it is in other countries. In our little town only a few kids are disguised, coming for a trick and treat. There are some public events...
A vacation on a campground and how realities can be completely different
The past two weeks I have been on a campground with my children. We were in a tent, enjoying the warmth of a beautiful autumn. Since the campground was one of only a few which were open during this fall season, my sister was there with her family during almost the...
How we teach our children to be friends with their siblings.
There is a popular belief (at least in the German-speaking world) that it's normal that siblings quarrel. That siblings have rivalries. And even that siblings can be mean to each other. Well, in my family of origin this was certainly true. We not only quarreled,...
Why my girls challenge became my concern and how I helped her in it.
These days I found myself in a situation with a child that reminded me of the article I wrote last week. I have a very social little girl. She loves to play with others. She’s a very happy and excited girl when there are group activities in school. After the summer...
Six ways to improve the relationship with your entrusted ones- Part two
In the last Article we saw the first three ways of attaching. We talked about Physical proximity, Sameness and Belonging & Loyalty. Here we go for the ways of attaching through Significance, feeling and being known: Significance “This way of pursuing closeness...
Six ways to improve the relationship with your entrusted ones – first part
As announced in the last article, here we go for the different ways of attachment. Working on it I realized again how ample the content of this topic is, so I decided to divide them into two parts. Today, we will look at the first three ways. It is important to...
Should a parent cultivate friendship with their child?
Bonding. Attachment parenting. Friendship with my kids. In the last years, these words became a definition of something that is actually defined in a completely wrong way. The definition is related as a direct relationship with spoiled children that do not respect any...
Attitude – a powerful word when it comes to raising kids
With our lives, we influence our environment, other people. This is true for all our relationships. Yet the strongest impact we have is on our family, on our own children. In this, none of us is powerless. No matter what thoughts or feelings we have about that matter...
Love is a verb – and more thoughts on marriage
Today is our 8th Anniversary! I love to be married. And I love to be married to this amazing person that is Benny. And I love the security and peace I feel concerning our union and family. I was pondering on why we feel that way, and I figured out the following: We...
A trip to the Swiss mountains and more examples concerning shapes
Last Tuesday I was watching the weather forecast: I could see, that Wednesday would be the last summer day in the mountains of Switzerland, probably for the whole year! I love the mountains. We have beautiful mountains and alps in Switzerland. They are amazing during...
Shapes – One of the most important truth to understand when raising kids.
Considering that family is the foundation of our society I think it’s crazy that there is so little support and help, so little valuable teaching found on how to create a healthy family. If you are like me, there are very few areas where you can simply imitate your...
Why I am a mother hen and why this is not as bad as you may believe
Today’s topic is pretty close to my heart. This subject got me into trouble a few times now since I am a mom. People have been telling me, that I should let my children be more independent, teach them not to cling as much to us as they do, and take time out to be as a...
Personal application of how we can dialogue with God about feelings
As we have seen in the last Article, Emotions in itself are not bad. What our reactions to them is makes all the difference. It is so vital, that we recognize them and name them so we can do something about what is happening inside of us. In this article I provide a...
Are you an emotional person? Five points how you can handle your many emotions and help your child to do the same.
Emotions are a good and vital part of our lives. Some people live a pretty emotional life - others are less emotional. The approach to these emotions varies according to culture, upbringing, personality. Living in South America, I loved the "sangre latina" (Latin...
About Generations, Heritage, Legacy, Destiny and predisposition
I was doing some research about the upbringing of John Edwards. What I found here, was this: Both parents were known intellectuals and that shaped him from his early childhood days. His father was well respected as both a teacher and preacher. His mother was well...
Multigenerational legacies – the story of Jonathan Edwards
written on July 1, 2017 by Larry Ballard Taken with permission from YWAM family ministry, These contrasting legacies provide an example of what some call the five-generation rule. “How a parent raises their child — the love they give, the values they teach, the...
What the stage of a two-year old is not about – and four points what it is about
As parents we have the unique privilege to lead our children through each one of the developmental stages. There are stages that are more challenging for us than others and it surely has to do with our own background – and the information we have about the child’s...
My perfect plans for the future and God’s heart for a toddler
Recently my husband and I decided, to enroll in a Bible school for the next three years. My mother in law and my sister agreed to look after the four kids in the evenings and sometimes during days when we would be away. It felt right, and it was the perfect...
Rules of Families that Nurture vs. Rules that Shame
Family is a beautiful design. All it takes is getting pregnant and putting babies into this world. Or is it? Wherever you read this blog from, you have your unique story about your family of origin. You have your unique background, unique experiences. They may be...
Have you ever felt that you are not lovable for who you truly are? More about it you’ll find here.
Have you ever felt that you are not lovable, acceptable for who you truly are? The feeling of shame is a powerful emotion, and very often hidden deep inside, while you don’t even realize that this painful feeling of life is called “shame”. Shame is this powerful...
How to break patterns in your life that hold you back
The past three weeks I spend some vacation time with my four kids, my sister and her kids in France on a campground. She rented a little cottage; I stayed in a tent right beside her place. We enjoyed the beach, the pool, the heat, the sand… and each other. We truly...
The importance of studying my child or why I can hurt my child without doing any thing wrong
There was a Situation with one of my boys I felt so overwhelmed by his sweetness and heart. I realized that I can hurt my child, without doing anything “wrong”. During the rest of my day I was reflecting in the fact that raising kids is much more than just following...
Why I am not simlply a mom who tries to give her best
Sometimes, per social media I receive some tagged image from friends of mine that are mothers too. These images have text on it, and it says something like: “There is no superhero mom, there are real moms who try to give their best, and sometimes fail”. These texts...
Punishment or blessing it doesn’t matter – Here is why and what’s more efficient.
I will start with the quote Samuel Martin closed his chapter with. Dr. Randall Heskett of the Toronto school of Theology said: “Punishment must never be equated with discipline. True discipline teaches children how to live lives that are rich and full. Training and...
Why using the rod on your child and spanking is not found in the Bible: An old truth in a new light. (Part 3)
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Proverbs 13.24Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy Soul spare for his crying Proverbs 19.18Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction...
Why using the rod on your child and spanking is not found in the Bible: An old truth in a new light. (Part 2)
In this Article I will, like promised, cover the nine names in Hebrew to name a child. Then we will see what this has to do with our five scriptures in Proverbs, including the rod and spanking a child.Like I said in the first part of this Article, the material I am...
Why using the rod on your child and spanking is not found in the Bible: An old truth in a new light. (Part 1)
In many Christian books, it is out of question that this is a command from God, and if we want to obey him, we have to use the rod. (…or other ways of physical correction) On the Internet and in books from “Christian experts in raising children” you can find the...
The big difference between character and personality and why many times, the excuse “I’m just like that” doesn’t work.
Having four children being so amazingly different from each other reminds me all over again that we are all made with different personalities. That even coming from the same family, having the same parents, education and background, siblings can be so different,...
Teaching my children some self-control when emotions want to take over.
Our three year-old sweet boy can experience a lot of emotions, do a whole lot of crying, just because he can’t have something the way he wants it. He then sits just around and cries his eyes out. Today, while eating breakfast on a relaxing Easter Monday, I poured some...
How I choose my parenting books
Some thoughts to consider before implementing advices from so-called experts into your family In this article I will highlight a few points, what matters to me with every book I read. With those points you can then decide for yourself, which books you want to apply on...
Any form of parenting Discipline does not have that very Power in a Child’s Life compared to this amazing Truth
In every bookstore, there is a big choice of books for raising kids. There are the famous ones, “everyone” buys, dependent on social / religious culture you live in. However, not many of them talk about this amazing truth. In Switzerland we have “Babyjahre”...
three things we would love our parents to understand – a message to parents with adult children.
I’ve heard many times parents with adult children telling me: You will see, when you’re children are adult, they will tell you what you all made wrong. You will have rebel teenagers too, that’s just the way it is. I agree that my children will surely (hopefully) tell...
Talking about Blueprint – a Metaphor that explains it all
In order to help our children to enter their blueprint, it is important to understand what it is all about. In this Metaphor, there is . an Architect A Contractor The Bulilding supplier A little castle and the Blueprint God is the creator of the Child. So in this...
How to dig for the gold in your child
It is vital for the child to feel loved. To feel known and totally accepted. However, let's be real. There are kids we feel challenged to give them exactly that from the depths of our hearts. Because they are difficult for us to understand, as they are so different...
Five powerful steps to let your kids feel „at home“ in your family.
It is possible for a child to not feel really “at home” in its own family. To miss this sense of really being known, loved, belong and be a vital part of the family. Here are five powerful steps to help you evaluate your own family, and the basics to take your own...
The rod of discipline found in the new Testament
I have discovered a passage in the New Testament in which the term "rod" also appears. It is in 1. Corinthians 4:21, where it says: "Which do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a rod [of discipline and correction], or with love and a gentle spirit?" Paul writes at...
Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid
Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid. John 14.1/27 We live in a time where it is of such importance to decide what we allow our heart to meditate on, to believe in, and to react upon. Every day, we can choose to meditate on what the media presents...
After a long sommerbreak – news from familythatmatters
The effect of multitasking on our family – and why it should be avoided
In only a few days our family is going to take an 8-hour drive to spend some family vacations in the south of France. As our planned vacation in spring were canceled due to the closed frontiers, we were unsure if and when we would be able to go for a family...
How to recognize shame in your life and family and to grow out of it Part 2 -with Video –
Last week we dug into the subject of shame. I shared (here) five common patterns for people and families who live life through the lenses of shame. Today we will see the 10 other points. Let’s dive into it right away: YOU ACT LIKE A VICTIM “People with a history of...
How to recognize shame in your life and family and to grow out of it Part 1 -with Video –
Last week I posted a video week on my other website freedomthatmatters.com. The topic was about shame and how I learned to not let shame rule my life. I got several feedbacks from people sharing their struggle with shame. Last week I posted a video week on my other...
Family life during the time of Covid-19
Here I am, back after several weeks in which I have not uploaded an article to this website.Since the beginning of this pandemic, I have realized how rich and diverse the whole subject of child education and family life has been covered. Wherever one looked, inputs,...
How to stay calm in testing times
Last week I received a voicemail from a friend in Seattle – we live 5000 miles apart, with a time difference of 8 hours. I was amazed however, how our lives look very similar right now. Both of us entered into the realm of home schooling our kids, our daily life is...
Let’s talk about Counterwill – and how it not only applies to Children
A few weeks ago, we were riding in the car as a family - I was driving. It was a sunny day and I forgot to turn on the lights. On the way to my destination, just before a roundabout, the car in front of me suddenly stopped. The driver (an elderly man) got out of the...
How do I get a child to obey if it does not want to – a practical Example
When I told a boy at our school's weekly collective lunch a few weeks ago to help me carry the table in, he ran away with the words : "Nah, I'm not in the mood!" At the moment I felt powerless and let another boy help me. Before the next collective lunch I thought...