Why I am not simlply a mom who tries to give her best
Sometimes, per social media I receive some tagged image from friends of mine that are mothers too. These images have text on it, and it says something like: “There is no superhero mom, there are real moms who try to give their best, and sometimes fail”.
These texts trigger something inside me, and I don’t accept the tagging on my timeline.
Why? Because I’m not “a real mom who tries to give my best and sometimes fail”. I refuse to see me like that.
I imagine my husband, owner of a car-garage, talking to his clients that way: “You know, I am not the best car mechanic, sometimes I fail and make big mistakes.. However I will try to fix your car the best I can.. I surely won’t give my car to a Car mechanic like that! Or the day I have a talk with the Kindergarten teacher, and the teacher tells me: “you know, I’m not the best teacher, I’m just a real one. I hope you’re OK with that, even if sometimes I have my bad days and fail.”
Would you trust that kind of teacher?
So why is it that we as parents talk that way of our own skills? We are professionals in our parenthood from the moment we became pregnant, or the moment we receive a child into our family as our own!
I found that there are several categories of Parents, dealing differently with their shortcomings.
The “I follow my heart” mom.
These moms just do what they feel right at the moment. They don’t like to read any books about the whole subject of raising kids, they mostly don’t accept advice from others – because, after all, they are the parents, so they will know what to do.
The “everyone else knows it better” mom
These moms just follow one advice after the other. They don’t know that they have the unique capacity to know their kids and finding great ideas and ways that work for their kids. The attitude of these moms is: “Tell me what I should do”.
The “following an expert” mom
These moms get to know a so-called expert and imply that book or teaching in every action with their child. I know a woman, raised that way, hearing the word “Dobson” thousands of times during her childhood. (James Dobson is a well-known author of several books for rising kids) The phrases “Dobson said…”, “I read that Dobson would do…”, “Dobson thinks….” were used many times a day, involved in every action.
- The “I am a failure” mom
Moms like that are often brilliant in their heart for their kids, how they perceive their kids… but they don’t know that. The overall feeling in talking with such a mom is: I’m not adequate to be a mom. I fail every day. I hope somehow my kids will still turn out well.
The “Powerless” mom
A Powerless mom often uses threats, shouting, punishment and even manipulation with her kids. Not because she doesn’t love them or because she thinks that’s the best thing to do. But simply because she feels powerless to handle the challenges, is overwhelmed and hopeless about her capacities as a mother.
Now take each one of these examples and compare it with the car mechanic or the teacher above. What would you think of such a person? Would you give them your car? Would you give them your kids? I won’t.
So why it is that as parents we take on these attitudes?
I don’t say that we have to hold up an image we aren’t. And I don’t mean that we should be hiding our weakness.
Let’s continue in the example of the professional world.
My husband, even though he has been working with cars for 25 years, regularly visits classes about how to be a better one. He is confident in his ability to do the regular duties without help, but if he lacks the knowledge for a specific job, he gets it from a tech manual. Same with the kindergarten teacher. My child just got a Wednesday off because she had a day of training and development.
This is the attitude I choose to have.
This attitude is called “hungry for growth”, “teach-ability” and invest my heart and time of becoming even more professional. Becoming the best I can be. I believe that there is no person better suited to be the mom for my kids than me. So, I want to become that mom. I choose to have an attitude of growth in every area of my life.
- Growth in my Character.
- Growth in my understanding of the different stage of development of children, reading good books or visit seminars about that subject.
- Growth in my marriage – this will greatly influence my growth
- Growth in the parts I’m still hurting. And getting whole.
- Growth in the things I am failing, to have success the next time.
- Growth in knowing God, as this will greatly influence my capacity to love my kids and teach them how loved they are by him.
She turned her can’ts into cans and her dreams into plans.