How to walk a way of transformation – four steps toward freedom
This past week, our family spent some amazing days in a lovely family hotel in the south of Germany, in midst of the beautiful nature of Bayern. We were part of a camp, organized by our church.
I enjoyed my break from cooking and cleaning; but even more than that, I enjoyed the fellowship! I loved the trips we made, the games we played and the fun we had; I deeply enjoyed the quality times, the many talks, the moments of sharing our hearts; it was beautiful to get to know all these people a little deeper and to discover many amazing personalities filled with so much beauty and uniqueness.
I love such fellowship – real life is taking place.
There are many situations that confront us with our inner reality in daily life.
This inner reality that shapes our perception of the world and the people around us.
In this article, I would like to share how we can use these situations as a platform to grow, how we can transform our inner reality to the truth of God over our lives.
There was one situation, when I realized how much different I felt today than to how I would have felt a few years ago:
My family of six arrived a few minutes late to the dining room for dinner. There was no table with six seats left and it looked like we had to split our family to the empty single chairs.
However, the staff of the restaurant, aware of this situation, quickly made a table ready somewhat offside the main part of the room and invited us to sit down.
In the past, I would have felt left out; forgotten. Maybe even upset with the group who chose their seats in such a careless way that we didn’t have room to sit down as a family.
My evening would have been ruined; maybe I would even have spoken out and shown my discontent, leaving the rest of the group with a feeling of culpability or discomfort by my reaction.
This in turn, would have left me with a feeling of inferiority, along with shame and rejection.
Today, the whole situation unrolled very differently:
My family of six arrived a few minutes late to the dining room for dinner. There was no table with six seats left and it looked like we had to split our family to the empty single chairs.
However, the staff of the restaurant, aware of this situation, quickly made a table ready somewhat offside the main part of the room and invited us to sit down.
The situation wasn’t different. It was how I felt in the situation that was completely different:
As a family, we sat down; it would have been no problem to split up and share our meals apart from each other, in fellowship with other people from the group.
The kindness of the staff left us feeling special and grateful. They made every effort so we could sit together. We enjoyed the meal, and left the table with thankfulness, ready for the fellowship of the evening.
What a difference!
As I was pondering over the fact how my inner reality had changed, how I experienced this whole situation in such a different way than I would have a couple of years ago, I realized that there were several steps I had walked through along the way.
Of course, every life is unique, every situation different:
However, I believe that there are basic truths that will help you walk into that process of transformation and see beautiful results in your own life. Therefore, today, I would like to share with you four steps that can help you in that process.
It is possible to change this inner reality of ours. It is possible to truly feel different in daily life situations where today you only can wish to feel different, to react different.
- How I feel is my own responsibility
“You made me feel that way”…
“Because of you, my evening is ruined”…
“If you would change, I would be happy”…
Or in that specific situation:
“If you wouldn’t choose your seats so carelessly, I wouldn’t feel that way now!”
Blaming others for how you feel is never going to bring change into your live.
In the situation above, it was not the group that “made me feel that way”, by sitting the way they did. It would have been my inner reality, my perception of life and myself that was the cause of my struggles.
Change will only come when we take responsibility on how we feel – and how we react to those feelings.
2. Feelings are real. But they are not necessarily the truth.
Feelings can be so brutal, strong, overwhelming. They tend to come without prior warning, and they influence the way we perceive situations and feel about ourselves.
In the past, those feelings of being left out and forgotten were real, powerful and painful.
It was the day I understood that the force of how I feel still doesn’t determine the truth. That’s when my life started to change.
Ok, I felt left out. What now?
Wallowing over that feeling and feeling sorry for myself will hinder the process of transformation to take place.
I learned to acknowledge how I feel.
I learned that those feelings themselves are not bad nor am I bad or less valuable feeling that way.
One day into that process I decided that I won’t let those feelings determine my life, my reaction, my identity anymore.
I decided to grasp the truth of God. What He says over my life, my identity, my future. The Bible is full of His amazing truth concerning those issues.
3. Feelings can be persistent. Stand in that truth.
There are still feelings in my life today which I have to confront with truth.
There are still situations where I feel ashamed, incapable, insecure or scared.
Today, I know that blaming other people for these feelings will hinder my process into transformation.
I refuse that those feelings will define my reality – and I stand in that truth.
How I do that?
Here are some of my favorite ways:
- I dig into the word of God. Studying memorizing and praying over scriptures that speak about my worth and my identity will transform my life.
- I write down all my present feelings and then, on the same page, I confront them with what I know to be the truth, with where I want to go and the reality of God in my life.
- I remember all my personal experiences I already had with God in that area.
- I share with a good (and wise) friend how I truly feel. Bringing light into those feelings can bring great freedom into the situation.
- I ask God to change me. Many times, during the process, I don’t sense how change is happening. But – as with the situation above – going on with my everyday life I suddenly realize how I react differently to situations than how I used to, and how God has brought transformation into my life.
- I worship God for who He is. His faithfulness, grace, love, compassion, patience with me (and the people around me). The best place to be transformed is when you are close to Him.
4. Be gracious with yourself.
This point is pretty tough: Don’t be so hard on yourself!
Being in that process will bring many situations about where you might feel discontentment of how you handled the situation.
I have been very hard on myself, feeling like a failure every time my emotions were messing up or even ruining a situation.
It was by learning to be gracious with myself that I started to relax – and in being relaxed, I grew in my capacity to handle my emotions the right way.
Personally, applying those four steps persistently in my life, made me grow and mature in my personal life.
Simply, because I am not shaken by circumstances anymore.
Yes, sometimes there are emotions rising up. But today, they don’t have the power to determine my life.
And then there are these glorious situations where simply no strong emotions are rising up anymore. Where I don’t need to “stand in that truth”… But I can relax in it. In those situations, a sense of gratefulness, joy and peace invades my soul and I know that I am a step further into that identity established in God. A step further into a life, where I can be a blessing to people around me, honor them for who they are and love them for their uniqueness.
And this is a beautiful place to be. This makes it all worthwhile.
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